Mar 11 2012
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30, For Immediate Life Implementation, Health and Fitness, Life

Discouraged.

I always need reminders.

Today was a bad day.

I back tracked a bit. I haven’t been in this place in a really long time, and I’m mad and frustrated that I went there. Considering all the progress I’ve made in getting back into a healthy fitness routine this year, I can’t believe it took one inanimate object to bring me back to a discouraging, self-loathing place.

We went bridesmaid dress shopping today and I knew it wasn’t going to be a pleasant task. I was trying to stay upbeat about it because even though I know I’m the biggest girl out of everyone, I was trying to talk myself into not being discouraged and not beating myself up about the result of the day. I know all the things that everyone wants to tell me about dresses and sizes and things like that. I know that my regular clothes feel different. I know that a bridesmaid dress isn’t something that is going to make you feel good about your body, but with all those I knows I still feel really shitty about the day.

The size of my dress is what got to me. I’d never felt so fat before in my life. I know we’re all built differently, and I can’t be discouraged about that, but it still made me feel like shit. On the car ride home, I couldn’t believe that in inanimate object was making me feel like the most inferior thing in the world. I tried to brush off all the negative thoughts, but by the time I got back to Fran’s place and I was driving myself home, the tears started to fall and I began to cry.

I cried the first ugly cry of 2012.

It’s hard not to get discouraged. I didn’t want to show my weakness infront of these strangers. It was one of those arenas where this odd bit of self-doubt was going to be silly and looked down upon, because it was going to be uncharacteristic of me. As we looked for dresses, I texted Angela telling her how discouraged I was. I know that this event has nothing to do with me, but when we went to the first place, it did hit me hard that I was the one that was potentially holding up the dress order because they weren’t sure if they could get a size for me.

I’m sure any girl in my position would have felt the same way.

What makes it so discouraging was that I’m doing the right things. I know that this week, I had a couple indulgences as far as food was concerned, but if we followed my diet to a tee on a regular basis, a lot of you would be amazed that I really don’t eat badly at all. I keep the fitness schedule of a decently fit person (right now doing about 15-20 miles of running) and I’m just doing what needs to be done slowly and surely.

I cried because it hasn’t been enough.

I was expecting to lose like 10 pounds the start of this year and getting back into the swing of things. Heck, I didn’t expect to lose any weight at all. I was feeling good though. Stamina is high and I slowly started to incorporate yoga this week. It’s only really been like a month of a pretty lax, but serious workout routine (what I mean by that is just getting fitness in and getting the heart rate going, not having every workout kick my ass), but even though I was doing that even as I write this I know I haven’t been dieting. I thought I could probably get away with just working out strenuously and eating decently, but now I’m starting to wonder where am I going wrong. Even if I had a few indulgences this week… why have I not moved at all as far as my weight is concerned the last four weeks?

Even though I started to notice the difference, I guess today was a reminder to keep going and not get complacent. When I got home, I turned off a bit. I got the ugly cry out and I tried to remind myself that I’ll just have to kick it up a notch. I’ll have to set serious schedules and not feel like I deserve a treat when the end of the week arrives for being so disciplined the rest of the week.

What makes me even more discouraged is that, I know I’m not ugly, but because I’ve been battling my weight for so long, this is always going to be the ugliest thing about me (IMO). I try to embrace the concept of big is beautiful but in all honesty, it’s so hard to remind myself that that fact is true. I’m not ready to give up hope that I will reach my desired fitness goals, I just can’t believe that just as nice as I am to look at in the face, how hard it is for me to fully love myself because I don’t love my body. I should be past this by now… but I’m not. I blame society, my football player shoulders and back and just my own juvenile confidence issues when it comes to my body and weight.

Tomorrow is another day, and at least the worst is over. I don’t think I’m going to blow up anymore by the time the bridesmaid dresses come, but I’m hoping that they’ll have to take it in a little bit by the time they come in May. I know the one mistake I’ve made in the last few weeks is celebrating my fitness success too soon. I need to remember that every day is like day one and I have to keep on doing the right things in order to stay on track.

We can celebrate when the weight is gone and there really is something to celebrate about.

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Feb 21 2012
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30, Adjustments for Happiness, For Immediate Life Implementation, Love, Reminisce

Ready.

I hadn’t seen him in years.

We had simple run ins here and there, but we never had the chance to actually sit down and catch up. I don’t know what happened between us, but what was once a friendship I never saw myself without, ended up being a friendship lost so easily because of time and growing up.

I invited him to my birthday party, which he couldn’t make it out to. So instead, after a few other attempts to go do other things with other friends, I decided to ask him if he wanted to go grab happy hour on a random Monday. He accepted and I found myself having dinner with someone I hadn’t spent alone time with since I was 16. It was weird and slow at first, yet familiar at the same time. Not even thirty minutes into the outing, he immediately apologized for no doing a better job of keeping in touch. Continuously, throughout dinner he apologized for losing touch with me, and with our group and I told him that the simple fact that here we are, sitting in a restaurant, talking shop like nothing ever happened between us is a testament to our friendship.

It was like he never left.

He’s different, yet little bits of him was still the same. I remembered he wore Jordan Xs (the grey and black striped ones) and that his birthday was in March. I remembered his personality traits that haven’t quite changed even though we were older. I wasn’t quite sure if he felt the same way about me, but he was still the dude I remembered, but different… more grown up perhaps? Maybe not so full of himself? I couldn’t really put my finger on it.

We talked about everything, about the last ten years of our lives. The waitress who filled in for our waiter who went on break smiled at us when she realized that three hours later we were still here talking and catching up.

He asked what I was doing next, and I told him that I was running an errand. He asked if he could come along and I said sure.

We walked and we talked, and it felt so… nice. I’m so use to hanging out with guys, that I know how just friends feels like, but there was something different in the air when we went for our walk. Our get to know you talk continued, and it wasn’t just getting to know each other all over again, it was let me make a good impression, I want this to happen again feeling from him and from me that I haven’t felt in a really long time.

Whoa.

I bought him dessert (since he paid for dinner) and he walked me to the parking structure. He was going to walk me to my car, but part of me was afraid. I was afraid it was going to validate all the feelings I was thinking I was feeling, so I just parted ways at the entrance. The parts of me that knew him from high school, kept reminding me that the only reason why this was feeling the way it was was because we were old friends getting to know each other intimately all over again.

Had it not been him, this would have been the perfect first date.

I don’t know how willing my logic is to accept the fact that perhaps we did go on a date. I had no intentions of it being like that whatsoever, but like Fran told me when I gushed about what happened, there’s something intimate about catching up again with someone that you haven’t seen in a long time (especially if you haven’t seen him in years). It’s not so much that these feeling stirred up because of who I was with, but the fact that these feelings stirred up made me realize that maybe, just maybe… I’m ready… to date again.

It’s so easy to just hide behind my job and my other relationships. It’s so easy to not want what most women my age are wanting if they don’t have it. The last relationship was so devastating that the thought of a new one really makes me anxious (seriously, it does). I know I’m going to need to get over that, but I don’t even know where to begin.

The thing is, I know that people pay attention to me. I know people make these efforts to talk to me, or seem like they’re interested, but I just have a good way of deflecting those feelings off somewhere (or to someone) else. It’s so easy to do that, it’s easier than having to actually deal with the emotions. I’m trying really hard not to be that way, but it’s tough. It’s been a LONG TIME since I’ve catered to flirting and getting to know you talk. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt butterflies and excited anticipation. It’s just been a long time, and the time I spent away from these feelings, have left me confused on how to jump back in all over again.

I don’t feel like there’s a rush, but my chance encounter with my old friend just made me miss those feelings of intense care. This friend (who yes, is in the friend zone because that’s where he’s always been) is everything I like in a guy. He’s funny, he’s artistic (a film maker… gah, I can never get away from the artistic dudes), passionate about life and just a magnetic soul to be around. I saw him again this past weekend, and I just couldn’t get over how infectious his personality is. Even though we were hanging out with friends, I just couldn’t get enough of him. I didn’t want the night to end.

While we were out, his friend asked why he wasn’t hollering at the girls near us and he said, “I got my girl right here,” as he put his arm around me and smiled. I felt nervous. I wasn’t sure if he was serious or joking. His friend laughed and said, “Not going to happen, too much history.” He looked at me and asked, “That can’t happen?” I looked away a little shy because even though I said, “Only in the movies.” I really wanted to say, “Anything is possible.”

His reply was, “Sometimes it could happen in real life.”

Here we are in real life and I admit, I thought I could never feel this way again. I’ve had crushes after exb0o, but I’ve never felt possibility of someone coming close to the way he made me feel. It all feels so surreal, the feeling of letting someone in again. I’m not quite sure what’s going to happen in this particular situation, but I do know that, it’s time.

Maybe this old heart of mine can love like that again.

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Jan 26 2012
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30, Girl you be killin' em!, Health and Fitness, Resolution Challenge 2012, Useful Tips

My Fitness Steez.

Keep reminding yourself!

I’m probably not the best person to give fitness advice, but I do know how it feels to struggle with weight, body image and just overall fitness routine bordom, stardom and just overall gettingoffyourbuttanddoingitdom, but this year, I told myself I’m not going to get discouraged, and I’m just going to try to get some type of fitness activity no matter what.

Before I get started, a little bit about my body (haha, that sounds so weird!). I’m not thin, I don’t think I’ve ever been thin. If there was ever someone who was big boned and could fully admit it, it’s me! (seriously, my doctor told me this!). I’m muscular, but I have a gut and someone my height should probably be thirty pounds less than what I am, but regardless the shape that my body has taken, I’m probably in the second best “shape” of my life.

I hate to say, I’ve been on a diet all my adult life, but I think it wasn’t until college did I realize that it was time to nip this whole baby fat mantra in the bud and really start getting out there and going for it. I’ve always been bigger than my friends and I grew up in a predominantly Asian community, so I NEVER felt thin… ever. There’s a reason why one of my Almost Thirty Proverbs is Beauty isn’t defined by skinny. It’s because all my life I’ve heard, “You’d be so pretty if you lost some weight.”

I’m not at my weight goal, but I am in a happier place when it comes to my fitness and weight. I think I’ve come to a realization that when it comes to fitness it’s either you do or you don’t. I can tell stories and anecdotes of when my fitness life was good and my fitness life was not so good, but from 2006 (when I decided to do something about my weight) to now, I’ve realized that I can’t be discouraged and I can’t be negative. I have to stay upbeat and keep everything in perspective.

It’s so easy to be unhappy about weight, but the biggest struggle in the last couple years is to shake being unhappy about it and just be about it! I could name all the times when I was discouraged that I wasn’t at the weight or fitness level I wanted to be at. Even as recent as a couple days ago I received my holiday bloat drivers license picture and all I could think is, “Ugh, not there yet.” BUT before I could beat myself up about holiday eating, I just said, “OK, hit it… let’s start running more.” and I just started doing it.

I got carded this weekend and the doorman was like, “Is that you?” and all I could say is, “I know, it’s a bad picture.”

For all the starts and stops and false starts I’ve had to my fitness plan, I feel that the same rules have stayed tried and true. This time, even though I’m motivated by the Resolution Challenge, I’m also just over being discouraged about it. Let’s just do it… let’s just go! So with that all said, here are some of my favorite ways to get the fitness in without any excuses. Again, I don’t claim to be an expert at fitness, but I do know how it feels to be discouraged about getting started!

Nicola’s Fitness Steez Starter/Continue Tips

  • Leave the gym bag in the car. I leave everything in the car, and lately I’ve been taking my bag up to my classroom so there’s no excuse to not change. I figured if I took the time to get the bag up to my room, I might as well use it.
  • Find quick workouts that you can do without excuses, even if you’re tired. This year, my favorite is jumping jacks and Just Dance 3. Jumping Jacks are the bidness! It gets everything going, and it’s just not cardio. Your love handles and your arms will feel it if you do it right. I’ll do 500-1000 jumping jacks when I can’t go out for a run.
  • Track your workouts. I have an iPhone, so I use Nike + to login my workouts. It’s great motivation because not only does it track average pace and miles, it also tells you how many calories you’ve burned which I love seeing. Makes me feel really proud!
  • Find an activity  you enjoy doing. I think that’s why people hate the gym, no one really loves going to the gym because it’s so boring an repetitive. I like yoga, hiking and running. These are activities I like doing and don’t mind doing.
  • But… don’t ditch your gym membership… and make sure it’s on the way home from work/school. Having the gym membership means that there’s no excuses to doing something active (especially if the gym bag is with you). It’s also super important to be able to get to your gym without any excuses about it being far. There are three gyms in a 3-5 mile radius from my work, so I totally have no excuses. I also think it’s helpful who have friends who go to the same gym. A lot of friends who I could workout with have my gym, so it’s nice to know if I want to workout with someone, I could.
  • Tell friends and family you’re trying to lose weight. I think people are usually embarrassed that they have to tell their friends they’re watching what they eat, or they’re trying to workout. I think that’s the hard part about being in this age range is that food is so social. It’s so easy to say, “Let’s go out to eat!” and just catch up over drinks or eats. You just have to tell them you can’t, or just suggest things that are more active instead of eating. Even if your friends are not responding, be persistent about it. Tell them your health is important to you, and that this goal is important to you and ask them to help you out. If your friends don’t take your seriously, each time they say, “Let’s go out to eat!” politely decline, and after the third or fourth time, they’ll get the picture. Besides… I think hiking/walking/something active is a much better way to catch up with friends. This is probably the hardest thing to do out of everything I’ve suggested.
  • Stay positive! At one point, I was halfway to my weight loss goal, but I ended up gaining it all back. I was super mad at myself for doing that, and really beat myself up for failing. Each time I didn’t do what I was supposed to, I would be so hard on myself. The last year or so, I’ve realized that the negativity is not going to work when sticking to weight loss or a fitness plan. You have to stay positive, and you have to keep going. You don’t need other people to cheer you on (because I HATE THAT) but the best cheerleader to help you out is YOU! You’re the one in the driver seat.

And lastly,

  • Be patient. It’s not going to happen overnight, so stick with it like the image says.

Me circa 2006

 

me circa 2012 (current FB pic)

This is the year, I know, I’ve proclaimed this before, but this is the year that I get it right, and so far the month has been pretty good. I’m running an 11 minute mile again (give or take a minute) and I’m being more conscious of the food I’m eating. I never have a particular weight goal, but I’m going to really focus on my clothing this time around. My fat jeans have been a little looser the last couple weeks and I’m just taking it day by day. That’s all you really can do. Stay focused and go!

This isn’t my original idea. I actually got this from my bestie David, but as motivation, I always look at old pictures, and remind myself that that’s where I was and this is where I am now, and that I’ll never be where I was again as long as I keep at it! I guess that could be another suggestion as well. I’m not into those body before and afters ala P90X but I think it’s important to celebrate the success instead of dwelling in the failures. That’s a lesson in life that can be applied everywhere, not just this particular goal.

What are some of your fitness tips? Share below so we can all help each other out! ALSO, it’s not a serious suggestion, but my Fitness Steez Pinterest Board is my biggest source of motivation and workout tips. It’s my homepage when I start my web browser! It’s going to be a good year fitness wise! I can feel it!

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Jan 24 2012
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30, A better me., Resolution Challenge 2012

RC Challenge Check-In Week 1-2

Probably would have been a lot easier if I didn't do 1500 jumping jacks beforehand.

I’ve unofficially dubbed Mondays as my check-in with you guys about our resolution challenge. I haven’t asked Angela, if it’s ok to share her stuff, but maybe when she feels like it she’ll talk about her experiences with the challenge, but for now I’ll just do my own updates.

Week One my goals were to

Fitness Goal: Login 10 miles this week (run/walk/whatever)
Personal Goal: Leave work between 4pm-4:15pm two times this week.
Week one was pretty good. For my fitness goal, since I had been running the week before, I had already gotten back into a groove of going on runs again (each run I do about 3-4 miles) so I felt pretty good about finishing up my runs. To me, and for my fitness level (at one point in my fitness life, I was running 6 miles every other weekday) so getting back into the swing of running things has been easy and hard at the same time. I finished my goal by Friday (before my birthday party no less!).
For my personal goal, I did give myself some cushion with the 15 extra minutes after four. It was really hard to do this one!!! I know that a lot of you feel that teachers have the best schedule in the world, but in actuality, the good teachers don’t ever leave right when the bell rings (unless they absolutely have to). Leaving work before the sun goes down is such a hard thing to do. I don’t really get this place to myself until 3pm, and even then there’s always some straggler that wants to talk or ask me something. I really don’t mind talking, but the hard part about this is that because my mind knows I have all this time after 2pm to get things done, I don’t utilize my conference period (the time when I’m on “the clock” but not teaching).
By the time my conference period comes around, I just want to do things (like write an entry in my blog lol) but I’ve already taught four classes by the time my conference period comes around so I get pretty exhausted. I don’t claim to master balance right away, but I’m trying to work on using time more efficiently and not slack off at work.
All in all it was an easy first week to the challenge and I made $20 for our trip! Woot!
Week Two my goals were to
Fitness Goal: 10 Miles and 2000 jumping jacks (I don’t know how to be held accountable for jumping jacks haha).
Personal Goal: Get done with my top 10 work tasks by Friday (I’ll email you my to do list on monday, and I’ll mark off accordingly, unless you feel that there’s another way to hold me accountable for this).
Week two was horrendous. I think I was definitely over ambitious. I also had to take into consideration that it was my birthday week so a lot of things that normally don’t happen (birthday dinners, and just down time) happened because I gave myself the excuse that it was my birthday.
My fitness goals were TOUGH. I ran on Wednesday for four miles and ran out of time the rest of the week and ended up having to do my six miles on Saturday. What made this week tough was that I paired it with 2000 jumping jacks. Now, first off I have to say that jumping jacks are an incredible way to get in shape! I did 1000 jumping jacks the week before (on one day) and I totally felt the burn on my sides and in my arms and legs the next day. I was able to do 500 jumping jacks during the middle of the week, but I accidently lost track of everything because of my personal goal so my fitness goal ended up taking the back seat until Saturday night.
I did 1500 jumping jacks and 6 miles on Saturday! Man was I tired. I think I was ready to throw in the towel and just pay the $10 to Angela’s charity, but I was determined to finish since I was so close. I thought I’d be able to run a little bit on Saturday, but I was so tired from the jumping jacks, my legs felt like jelly trying to run around my house. I was so tired by the time I was finished, and it made me wonder how those fitness fanatics can cram in three hours of fitness each day. Eeessh!
All in all the determination to meet my goal was what made me tired on Saturday. I will say this though, my jeans are a bit looser today (and they’re just washed and dried which means their tighter than normal, right?) so maybe those jumping jacks are working more than I think they are.
My fitness goal was tough to do because my to-d0 list was crazy! I was overly ambitious and pushed myself way too hard. I put maybe two weeks worth of work into four days worth of time to accomplish them. It was not pretty at all, but for some reason a trudged through it all.
Moral of the story? Don’t push yourself too hard and be realistic about to-do list and other goals, and when planning for a weeks worth of events, try to look ahead to what is going on before actually planning a to-do list. It will make it all better.
The best thing about this whole “challenge” thing is that I’m too stubborn to give up, at least for now.

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Jan 19 2012
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30, Adulthood Readiness, For Immediate Life Implementation, Life

Dear Thirty,

Here we are! I never thought I’d feel this way about you, but you’ve finally come and now I’m in a whole new ball game and a whole new age bracket. It’s super scary, and I’m not letting on to anyone I really know that I feel this way. I’m trying to take you all in stride and with the best of my ability, I’m trying to stay sane. I’m not quite at all markers that you’re “supposed” to be at when people usually meet you, but in the last few years, I’ve come to terms with that. I’m not going to let societal pressures tell me that being here with you is supposed to make me depressed.

We celebrated you coming with a really thoughtful birthday lunch with my co-workers and  a huge shindig with my friends. I promised I wasn’t going to get too crazy, or go overboard, but when being festive, those promises don’t last. Haha! It’s probably the last time I’m going to party like that. Technically, I was a silly twenty year old still living it up, but now that I’m here, I won’t try to be so silly again. The rest of the weekend was pretty chill. Satruday was daFAM time and Sunday, hung out with some new friends and close old ones.

The best part about finally being here with you is that, I finally opened up to my Mom about a lot of things I never thought I’d open up to her about. It was strange weekend of bonding with her. I’m not quite sure how it happened, but it was definitely the best part of the weekend. Finally being able to be open and honest about my ex-boyfriend and the last couple years really felt like a relief. I’m not quite sure that I would have been able to do that before, but I’m super glad to have had the courage to do it now. I’m pretty sure I have you to thank for that.

I actually had work on my birthday. It was a crazy day, but everyone wished us well. I got the two things that I knew would ensure we were going to have a great year. Birthday cake, and celebratory Filipino food that superstitiously throughout the years has become “my thing” to do on my birthday.

I’m asking you ahead of time to be patience and understand that when I don’t hold it all together it’s not that I can’t handle being here with you, and I need a break, be supportive and soothing. Try to help me maintain the craziness that is my life, and remind me of my proverbs and everything else I’ve learned in the last couple years that have been wise and true. Help me remember that you’re just a number, and that I shouldn’t feel a day over twenty-nine at all! Constantly tell me that I’m in the prime of my life because I know that this is what this brand new decade should be about.

Thirty, it’s just you and me kid… and I’m ready to rock the hell out of this new age bracket!

<3, Nic

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Jan 13 2012
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29, Adulthood Readiness, For Immediate Life Implementation, Useful Tips, You should know this by now!

Almost Thirty Proverbs.

My co-worker is an English teacher, and she does this proverb writing lesson with her seniors every year. She post these proverbs on her ceiling, and whenever we’re lesson planning together, I lie on the desk and read the various proverbs on the ceiling. Some of them are pretty good! I wish I remembered some of them in their exact form!

When I got home from work tonight, it made me think of my own “almost thirty” proverbs that I’ve learned from these almost thirty years of life so here they are in no particular order and maybe longer than what proverbs should be, but whatever, I’m almost thirty and I do what I want! =)

  • Words are important, whether you’re saying them or receiving them.
  • If you say something you better mean it because someone is relying on those words to follow through.
  • Self-Confidence (not cockyness) gets you everywhere!
  • The love that is unconditional in your life doesn’t need any titles, definitions of strength and promises to last forever, they just do all that without you asking.
  • No (wo)man is an island, no matter how much you wish you could be.
  • Hard work gets you everywhere, but working too hard gets you nowhere.
  • Emotional health is just as important as physical health.
  • Beauty isn’t defined by skinny.
  • It’s ok to ask for a timeout, no one should ever run on empty, ever.
  • The truth often hurts (especially if you’re looking for advice) but always remember that the truth givers care enough to give you that.
  • The achiever defines their own success, both in career and in personal arenas of life.
  • (Especially when it comes to energy and physical ability) Act the age that you feel, not the age that you are.
  • Patience and understanding are key to achieving patience and understanding.
  • Love all out, and leave when the love is all out.
  • Never rely on someone else to “fill” an emotion that they can’t truly fill.

I’m sure I could do this all night, but these are the ones that stand out the most. I’m not going to lie, I’m like nervous and excited about what’s to come this weekend! The big day is on the 17th, so Saturday will officially be “Three to Thirty” so my birthday post be written then.

If you were to write your own “almost _________ ” birthday/age proverb, what would you say? What would you write! Post your proverb in the comments below!

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Jan 06 2012
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29, Adjustments for Happiness, For Immediate Life Implementation, Resolution Challenge 2012, Useful Tips

Resolution Challenge 2012

Not too shabby, considering today I was just walking and talking with friends and yesterday was the first day running in maybe months! =D

This year, I told myself that I wouldn’t set New Years Resolutions. I’ve been setting them regularly for the last 10 years and usually I keep one out of the handful that I make. I know that in the last post, I just said that my only resolution was that I was going to be the best me ever, but I guess I should elaborate a little bit more on that a little bit more.

I was with my BFF Angela and her sister Donna this past weekend because Angela was in town for the holidays from D.C. and we were talking about why it was so important to set goals and resolutions at the beginning of the year. I told them that I was done setting resolutions and that I just wanted to be the best me ever, forever! Donna joked that if I became this person, would I not be the best ever after that? I know forever isn’t really possible, but what I meant by being the best me ever, forever was that I just wanted to get it right this year without any excuses and really reach all my goals.

Being the best me ever (forever) is my mantra for 2012.

It’s a promise to myself to be thirty, and not be silly and careless when it comes to taking care of myself and be focused and determined to accomplish everything that I need to work on. OF course, I need to center in on a few things, but I’m totally resolving to just slowly change all the behaviors that have been preventing me from being the best me that I can be.

I know, it sounds extremely cheesy, but sometimes I gets down like that. I think that one of the things that we forget about is that we have to be our own cheerleaders and we have to be the ones to gather up positive energy for ourselves. I’ll be the first one to tell you that I hate attention and props for the work that I do, but sometimes I do need to remind myself constantly to stop being my toughest critic and so hard on myself and start bigging myself up once in a while. Giving myself this cheesy slogan is kind of a way to say, “Hey, you’re older, you’re wiser, you know what to do, so just do it already!”

If you look up resolution in the dictionary, it says to look up resolve (lol) I seriously have Merriam Webster up right now. And the  4th definition of resolve says

to deal with successfully : clear up <resolve doubts> <resolve a dispute>

A few days ago I posted this link from Lifehacker about the difference between goals and resolutions on my Facebook. Your goal may be to lose weight, but you should resolve to eat better and make time for exercising to achieve your goal. Even though this is a big no duh I think the key to this whole idea of resolution making that the article mentions is that in order to achieve your goals, you have to make those little changes in your every day routine.

I had like a resolution epiphany. It’s the changes in your every day routine that are going to get you to your goals. I know that behaviors change in January, people frequent the gym more, people eat in more than going out and it’s pretty good for the first two weeks until MLK weekend and everyone is back to their old tricks again and it’s not until the end of the year are we reminded that we didn’t reach the goals we set at the beginning of the year.

Angela and I  try to hold each other accountable for things that we know we need to work on. It’s hard to do because she lives so far away, but I think the intent is there, but not followed through on as much as we could do. We try to be as supportive as possible, but knowing that in the past we we’re so successful in keeping tabs on each other, we were trying to think of a brand new way to help each other out and really kick those bad habits finally and just be awesome this year.

That’s when the Resolution Challenge 2012 was born.

Ladies and Gentlemen... your contestants!

Starting on Sunday the 8th, Angela and I will be challenging each other to change those little things in our everyday routine and really work to accomplish our goals. For the next seventeen weeks, we’ll be participating in this little challenge against each other to make sure we stay accountable for changing all those bad habits. Each week, we’ll be setting one personal goal and one fitness goal. To hold ourselves accountable for our goals, we’ve decided to put some money into play.

Personal goals are going to be in the areas of personal finance, time management, emotional health (this one is for me, a reminder to not stay at work forever and a day), maintaining personal relationships, eating better and other areas that are related to life. Fitness goals are just that, fitness goals. Do 20 minutes of Just Dance 3 or log in 10 miles for the week, those are the goals that we’ll be setting each week. Again, because we’re trying to reach goals, setting goals each week help us change those little habits on a daily basis that are preventing us from getting to our goals.

To hold ourselves accountable for the goals, there’s some money involved. Each set of goals is worth $20. So there’s $40 in play between the both of us each week. So if Angela and I complete our goals for the week, $40 goes into the general pot. Say, I don’t complete my goals for the week, but Angela does, Angela’s money goes into the general pot and my money goes into Angela’s Charity Pot. We’ll be doing this routine for the next seventeen weeks.

If everything goes well, and we don’t have any huge mishaps, at the end of the seventeen weeks our general pot will be close to $500! The general pot is a treat for us. I’m coming to visit during Spring Break and the weekend I’m there we’re going to take a quick trip to New York. If the money in the general pot is above $420, all that money saved up is going to be split between the both of us to use for our weekend in New York!

The Charity Pot is for where the money goes if the other person doesn’t make their goals. The money collected in each of these pots will go to a charity of each of our choice. We didn’t want it to be competitive and have the money go to ourselves because then the idea of a general pot and providing support for each other would be a little silly. If our Charity Pots get up to more than $120 that’s when each of us will have to have an intervention with each other and talk about why our goals aren’t being accomplished.

THE BIGGEST roadblock to all this is that we live so far away from each other. I guess even if Angela were here, I’d still have to make sure that she’s doing her stuff and vice versa. So we made a rule to send screen shots of calorie trackers. Call each other to make sure we did what we were going to do and other supportive things to help us get through the week. We want to get that money into the general pot and we want to make sure we make it each week with a check mark on what we wanted to accomplish that week!

I’m really excited for the challenge. I think that the challenge aspect is going to be very beneficial for the both of us. I really can’t tell you what’s going to happen because I don’t even know how it’s going to go. This could possibly be a complete fail at the end of two weeks, but I hope that a fantastic weekend in NYC can be a prize for the both of us to work hard for, but even if we have a couple unaccomplished weeks, I think that I’ll be happy donating to charity.

Periodically, I will be updating you guys on the progress, if she’s not being shy, Angela may guest post to update on her progress. You guys already know, I’m trying to get back into something I call #girllyoubekillinem mode for my fitness goals. And as for my personal goals? Really try to achieve that work/life balance and not go so hard at work to the point that I lose time for myself.

Wish us luck because we’re going to need it! AND good luck to you! Happy resolution making. To get you started on your own resolutions, I highly suggest you get your butt to Lifehacker and read up on on the articles they posted about making New Years Resolutions. Here are some helpful ones to get you started.

A Three-Step Approach to Ensuring Resolution Success

The Science Behind New Year’s Resolutions (and How to Use It to Achieve Yours)

Want more in-depth details about our Resolution Challenge? Want to tweak our challenge rules and set your own? Feel free to email me nicolaatthreetothirtydotcom or leave a comment below and I’ll be happy to answer your questions! =) Keep us posted on what you do!

***One of my goals for Three to Thirty is not just a place for me to document my success of conquering this new age decade, but open up this site for all of us to share and help each other out! It’ll be a Three to Thirty movement ya’ll! Let’s get it!

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Jan 04 2012
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29, Adjustments for Happiness, For Immediate Life Implementation

Almost Thirty.

Already! I know!

Happy New Year Everyone! I know that it’s been awhile since you’ve seen a post from me, but it’s been a pretty hectic holiday season.

December came and went faster than I could even imagine it would. I think it’s because I had a week off in November for Thanksgiving, and then they added on a week to our Winter Vacation. I usually have a week before Christmas to get things together and not have to rush, but this year, my last day of school before the holiday was December 23! It was like right down to the wire. I was wrapping presents on Christmas Eve!

In addition to that work has been really overwhelming. An array of time management mishaps and other things that just get in the way made me time manage less and work harder not smarter. I annoy myself whenever I do that, but with all the personal and professional things that were done in December, I was pooped.

It’s a few days before we go back to work, and I don’t quite feel rested. I went into work today to do some grading, and I’m going to go back tomorrow to grade and lesson plan for the next week or so. I really want to catch a break this month and really start second semester fresh with perspective.

Happy to finally be here!

Like the post says, I’m kind of not three to thirty anymore (it’s more like a few days now). Now the mantra isn’t going to change on the website (because many people asked me what would happen when I wasn’t three to thirty anymore) but I think it’s now time to kick into high gear the concept of my best self ever.

I’m over all the hangups, the mishaps and the drama that my late twenties brought me. I feel that I’ve healed and recovered from the heartaches and the emotional struggles of being in my twenties and now it’s time to just start this new decade of living fresh. I want to apply the knowledge I acquired from all the lessons learned and just really start mastering life. I forgot who told me this, but someone told me that turning thirty was fantastic for her. It just changed her perspective on everything in such a powerful and positive way.

That my friends, is what I’m totally looking forward to.

Three to Thirty was born out of a desire to just stop trying to improve and live better, but to actually do and act the way you should. I know both kind of sound like the same thing, but it kind of isn’t.

I think especially during New Years, we all try to resolve to do the same thing over and over again with much chagrin. Gyms are more packed, grocery goers have better things in their cart, everyone gives that huge full effort the first few weeks of the year, but then, sometime in the middle of February, it all just gets forgotten or swept under the rug.

So this year, instead of making a hefty list of things that I want to resolve to do, I’m really just going to resolve to do one thing…

Be the best me ever. 

That’s it… plain and simple. Do all the things I resolved to do for the last twenty-nine years and just stop thinking of strategic plans and just go for it. Also, it’s just another way to stop reminding myself of what I haven’t done, and to just buckle down and do what needs to be done.

For me, it’s in all the major areas that everyone struggles in. Fitness, time management, saving money, emotional serenity, etc…. it’s all the things that are probably listed in New Years Resolutions every year.

It’s not going to happen over night, but I do know with patience, practice and just general will power I’m going to finally get to the self that I’ve been trying to get to for all these years. Even though I’ve failed to get there in the past, the difference that this year brings than all the previous years is optimism going into this brand new stage in my life. I truly have never felt so positive about these things like I do now.

Trying to apply everything that you’ve learned about life about how to conquer all these things is going to be a daunting task. I don’t expect to do this in just one swoop of actions. My best friend Angela and I have come up with a way to really quick start this “best me ever” mantra with a little challenge between the two of us, which I’ll explain more in detail in a later blog post.

For the most part though, it’s going to be me in the driver seat, and I’m going to do what I can to just accomplish everything that leads me to this best me ever and hope that I don’t go crazy trying to get there.

To new beginnings!

 

Dec 09 2011
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29, Love, Reminisce

When They Reminisce Over You.

There are A LOT over other things I’ve been wanting to talk about on here for the last week or so, but for some reason my fingertips keep getting pushed to this subject… partly inspired by My Girl Theresa’s post about her relationship with her Huz through music. I thought I should just bite the bullet and start writing.

Again, I made a promise not to talk about exb0o here on my new residence on the web (especially after my last post). He’s hardly a blimp on the radar anymore, and how quickly a person can go from #1 to public enemy #1 in my eyes still amazes me. All the ups and downs we’ve gone through still keep him in a very special place in my heart, but it still amazes me each day that someone I planned such a strong future with is just a memory in my past.

Ultimately, my brain took over, and knew that this future we were perhaps going to have was more likely than not going to happen. It wasn’t ever perfect, and hardly ever ideal, and loving this boy (because one of my issues with him was that he never really truly acted like a man) wasn’t the right thing for me to do. Swimming your heart out of love because of logic has to be one of the hardest things to do in life.

Despite all that, it was love. A love I’ll never duplicate. The intensity, the emotion, the everything… we could have had it all … but we didn’t. This post would sound different if I wrote it last year, or the year before that, but now in this brand new place… being three to thirty brings clarity and peace and I probably wouldn’t have wanted to be with him, and I would have been miserable if I stayed.

It still lingers in the form of memories… musical and creative ones mostly. I never met anyone who just ignited a fire in me to create. I wouldn’t be so bold to call him my muse, but I would go out on a limb and say that loving someone who loves to create (he was an emcee/writer), adds on to your own creatively profusely.

All it takes is a moment and a song, and I feel like I’m right back with him all over again… memories are a bitch sometimes, but even though the power of reminiscing is hurtful sometimes, it’s also one of the most beautiful things in life. The fact that I have this to hold on to is really special, because I know a lot of people who don’t have these special memories…I don’t want to say that I’m lucky, but I am fortunate to have loved and been loved this hard.

Who knew a trip to Target and a friend’s blog post would leave me in such a mood for the last day or so… there’s a playlist on my iPhone that is dedicated to just him, but here are some of the standouts that stop me in my tracks.


Lady — D’Angelo
Being an artist, he was never one to sleep on the regular. His favorite thing to do to try to entice me to stay away with his vampire hours would be to sing to me. His voice wasn’t great, but if you’re a music head, he sounds like the teacher in the skits from The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. I love it when he sang to me.


Song Cry — Jay-Z
When things got rough, this was the jam. During our first major rough patch, I remember proclaiming to him in tears that one day he’d write his version of this song about me and make millions. I always thought he’d “blow up” and I wouldn’t be there to see it… he’d laugh at me for making this silly accusation on both accounts, but what I love about this song is that Jay was so cocky enough to think his girl would deal with his bullshit and not get fed up and leave. Sometimes we have the strength to go.


Kelis — Goodbyes
We were in a long distance relationship (one of the reasons why it wasn’t exactly the ideal situation). This song always brings me back to the summer we fell in love (cheesy, I know), but we were ultimately friends who took something casual into some pretty serious territory. We knew this when it got harder to go home after my visits. He lived in the Filmore for awhile, and I used to have to take a short cab ride to hop on BART to get to the airport. I used to listen to this on repeat on the way home.


Bed — J. Holiday
Totally trying not to TMI, but this song just reminds me of the intensity of our physical relationship and how in the midst of people coupling up for other reasons, chemistry should ultimately be the most important one.

I have nothing but love for my ex-boyfriend, but I know that it’s best these wishes are wished rather than expressed in any type of communication. I’ve had my weak moments in the last year or so and thought I couldn’t handle this new path in life without him, but I definitely underestimated myself. It’s hard to fly solo, but sometimes it’s just necessary to love yourself instead of love someone else more.

It’s definitely harder than it sounds to be in this place, but I’m just happy that I’m here.

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Nov 28 2011
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29, Love, Single Ladies Say Hay!, Useful Tips

Remember Your Single Almost 30-year-old Friend.

In my twenties (gosh, that’s going to take some used to) I was in an unconventional relationship. This relationship (which I vowed to not talk about a lot here, but I’m just mentioning briefly for the sake of storytelling) was not your average relationship. Heck, he wasn’t even “officially” my boyfriend (he asked a couple times and I said no, because I didn’t feel we needed titles) but the love at most points of the relationship was strong enough to consider marrying and being with this guy until the very end.

Yeah, that serious.

We weren’t serious at all though, we were… in love. It’s a love that grew out of friendship. It’s a love that almost didn’t make it. It was a love that happened unexpectedly. I think when we both fell in love with each other, it surprised both of us because neither one of us expected this casual more than friends thing to turn into something that both of us would cry about eventually when it ended. He came along way when it came to caring about me, but that love grew out of work. Work that in ways, we both put into, at different times. Even though it’s over and I have no contact with him whatsoever anymore… I don’t regret the years spent, the money blown on trips to NorCal and the memories that I shared with someone who is definitely up there for consideration as soulmate status.

But, it’s over now.

Being twenty-nine and single is like a death sentence. People give you that worried look of concern. They wonder if they should help you though this rough patch and if they can help you in any way shape or form get out of this bad case of singledom you’ve caught, they’ll gladly be of service. Being single, shouldn’t be thought of like the plague, and even more so when you’re a woman, because I know that if I were a dude and I said I was doing my own thing, I’d be getting daps all around and questions about all the dates I’m going on. It’s different though for a female, and on a regular basis, I constantly feel ostracized. Being single isn’t a disease, being almost thirty and single isn’t a problem, at least not for me, but I feel that society wants to make it my problem, and seriously… why should it be that way?

I’m a grown ass woman who can run a 5K in less than 45 minutes. I help raise and nurture 180 kids every school year, I’m a BAUS when it comes to my career. I provide for my Mom, and I support my inner circle always. I’m stubborn, I’m considerate, I’m hard to get to know, but when you get in there, it’s all love. I’m a whole lot of things, but the one thing that stands out the most to everyone else is that… I’m boyfriendless.

Sometimes, just for the sake of time and saving face in most situations, I bring up the ex. I feel that it allows me some breathing room so that people to leave me alone, and even doing that makes me feel bad because it shouldn’t be the case. I’m over telling people I’m taking a break because of my ex. I want to tell people that, “I’m doing my own thing, thanks for meddling and turning my choice into a concern of yours.” It’s not that I don’t want to meet anyone (because people are on the radar, trust) it’s just that I don’t want it to be the main focus of my life.

This post came about because of the outing I went on on Friday. There I was sitting in this room, the only single person there, and as expected when you’re the only single person around, I felt so uncomfortable. I can probably count on my hand, all the couples that I don’t mind being around (only one of those couples being present that night (my best friend and her fiance),the others couples I’m ok being around are my married friends and maybe one or two others couples I know) if no other single people are around. I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized the desire for (most) couples is to do other things with other couples. I think especially for boyfriends the single girlfriend is either an annoyance or a threat, because you where there before he was there and you may be a bad influence to the girlfriend.

That night, one of my friends boyfriend said, “We’re looking for other couples to go with us,” (to a general outing a single person could go to) and I replied “Thanks, I see how it is!” It was really a full circle moment for me. Especially when my friend’s boyfriend said that. I’m sure he meant no harm in it, but I felt a little offended. I helped him meet my friend because I was a considerate single friend helping another single friend, and now that they’re in a couple, it’s “couples only” activities? Joke or no joke, that was kind of sucky. It made me regret staying that night, and when my other single friend who was supposed to hang out suggested I leave the couples to themselves, I think I kind of should have. I should probably remember to not be in these type of situations ever again.

I realized that single people get a lot of hate, whether the couples intentionally do it or not. It’s not that I can’t handle the PDA or the constantly touching, it’s nothing like that, it’s just that for the friends involved in the relationships, if you truly don’t want to make your single friends uncomfortable, then don’t. You don’t have to be overly sensitive, or under sensitive to the situation. Just remember, you were once single too before you were in this relationship so channel some of those old feelings and be a considerate friend. If the friend means a lot to you, you’ll make the effort, and if the effort isn’t made, well… then the effort isn’t made. Your friends shouldn’t feel bad about being around just because you decided to couple up, and you shouldn’t feel bad either. There’s a happy balance between everyone involved that I honestly feel that only a few of my friends have truly mastered.

When you’re three to thirty, being single is one of the things everyone wants to constantly bring to your attention, but dammit, I’m going to be above the influence. I’m waiting… I’m not quite sure what I’m waiting for… but I’m waiting for the right moment to dive in to this whole crazy circus we call dating. The water temperature isn’t quite right so I’m going to post a bit and wait to see what happens. I want it to happen randomly, I don’t want to go on the Internet (not that there’s a problem with that because it’s definitely something I’m open to) and well, I think it’s ok to be almost 30, single and a hopeless romantic. I want the za za zoo… not worried gut feeling that people would look at me funny for still being single.

And if I want that… I think that should be ok, just how I feel that if you don’t want that, that should be ok too. In a perfect world I think we can all master this together…

Hopefully.

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